• A personal Story
• Get Tested
• Glamorous
• Venting

A personal story

Thanks for sharing your story on TheBody.com [A Personal Story, September/October 2008] … tears are rolling down my cheeks now! I am 37, and contracted HIV and was diagnosed within two weeks back in 2004. I live a very good life, and still no meds (which is cool). I was in a [long-term relationship] when I contracted HIV (one night of stupidity). While we stayed together and I thought we could get through all of this, he finally decided to leave me two months ago—14 years after we met. He’s negative, 48 years old, and now quite bitter and angry. But there’s not much I can do about that. This is for him to work through now. He’s met someone else already. I recently met someone (on a plane) and we hit it off immediately. A week later, when it looked like we were going to get physical, I told him I had HIV. I expected to get thrown out of his hotel room and to never see him again, but he asked me to spend the night with him in his hotel and we held each other all night. It has restored my faith in humanity. He’s young (27), successful, cute, and has his whole life ahead of him. I don’t think we’ll ever be more than great friends, and that’s enough for me now. He’s taught me a good lesson in life. I am so happy that I told him (I sometimes don’t tell people, but never put them at risk). I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I am busy writing my own life story. I’ve called it “It can’t happen to me,” and hopefully once I finish it, I can get it published, since I think others can learn from my (and our) mistakes. Better get it onto the Oprah Book Club to fund the rest of my life!

Pete, via the Internet

Kim Johnson replies: Thank you so very much for your kind comments. I am a strong believer in groups, so if there is any possibility of you becoming a member of a well-facilitated group of positive gay men, I recommend it. Good luck to you and your new friend. I know you’ll find love—it comes when you least expect it.

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Get tested

Currently I’m incarcerated in Metro State Prison (Atlanta, GA). If all goes well, I’ll be going home in a couple years. During one of my chronic care visits I came across a Positively Aware subscription (January/February 2008) issue. I never heard of your magazine, but once I read through it, I was intrigued to want to learn more about my condition and all the useful information that comes hand in hand with the virus.

I’ve been positive and a drug user for well over 15 years; however I’ve been clean 6 ½ years. I found out about my condition after the 3rd year of my marriage. Strangely, my husband isn’t positive. I’m grateful that I found out when I did and I encourage everyone to get tested, because we all seem to think, “It’ll never happen to me!” Finally reality kicks in when it hits too close to home (a family member, close friend, etc.). I would’ve never thought to get tested, until I received a dreadful call from California telling me my brother was terminally ill and in the hospital. I at once flew out and brought him home. He was full-blown with less than six months to live. I was faced for the first time with this virus, yet I cared for him until he died. Thinking back on my addiction days, I knew I had to be tested. Low and behold, that’s when I found out. I’m saying all this to say, don’t wait until death walks into your home to be tested! People often tell me I’d rather not know than to live with knowing. I’m grateful I found out when I did, because at the peak of a slow death, you’ll realize that had you known, you could’ve taken care of yourself and lived a lot longer. Now through your subscription I can learn more and help some of the women here. I would like to know if you are able to add my name and address so I can have friends I can relate to.

Pamela Morgan # 272052, Metro State Prison H-B, 1301 Constitution Rd., Atlanta, GA 30316

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Glamorous

Keith Green had an article in the September/October issue of Positively Aware entitled “The Glamorous Life of HIV.” I’m the person from downstate Illinois he references in the article. I’m really proud of the way that Keith handled the incident with DL and I’d like to repost it on my MySpace page. I emailed Keith about this as well. Thank you.

Phil, Downstate Illinois

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Venting

I just have to vent to someone who understands. I went to a doctor on Friday. I filled out my paperwork. The girl called me back. She asked me questions, such as why I was there. I answered and then I honestly admitted that I have been HIV-positive for more than 23 years, but I’m very healthy living with it. She only wrote down “HIV-positive over 23 years”—that was all! She then said the doctor will be in shortly. I knew at that point that my appointment was over. Soon enough another person came in and said that he wouldn’t be able to help me. He wouldn’t even come in the room! When I asked why, she said it was because the procedure I was looking to have done required an anesthesiologist, and the anesthesiologist wouldn’t do it for me because of my high risk of infection. Well, I’m undetectable with a good T-cell count. They never even asked! I thought that in this day and age I needed to get over feeling discriminated against. I was fired from my job 23 years ago, so that pain still remained. After this, it was like I was kicked in the gut again. I went home and cried, had a few beers, and went to bed.

I’m still in shock at his cold heartedness.

Name withheld, West Palm Beach, FL, via the Internet

Jeff Berry responds: Thanks for your email. I’m sorry to hear about your recent encounter with an obviously uninformed provider. It is outrageous, as you say, in this day and age, but, unfortunately, not all that uncommon. I applaud your desire to disclose your status with your provider, because only when you are both armed with all the information you need can you and your provider make the best, informed decision when it comes to taking care of your health.

I would suggest you write a letter of complaint to the physician, and send a copy of your letter to the state health board. There is no reason that physicians and providers, when taking the proper precautions, should be at any risk of acquiring HIV. You are legally protected from discrimination based on your HIV status under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

I would also strongly recommend that you find another more qualified physician. You can contact your nearest HIV community-based organization—in your area, the Comprehensive AIDS Program at (561) 472-2466, or the state AIDS hotline at 1-800-FLA-AIDS—and they should be able to refer you to someone. You really need to be in the care of an HIV specialist, and that would be someone who has a large HIV-positive clientele. You can also go to www.aahivm.org and click on Find a Provider, to find a specialist in your area.

Basically when people act in this way, they are really acting out of fear and ignorance, and so it is our job, as HIV advocates, to try to educate people, so that they may become more informed, and ensure that something like this doesn’t happen again to someone else.

Let me know if you need any more help, and good luck!

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November / Decmember Poll results

The theme of this year’s World AIDS Day (December 1) is leadership. What does leadership mean to you?

Comments

• I believe true leadership is a combination of a curious mind, an innovative intellect, an open heart, the vision to see beyond the obvious, the courage to confront what’s wrong, the tenacity to fight for what’s right, and the understanding and patience to lead those who may have none of those things. I also believe the human condition makes us hungry for that kind of leader in a time when they are so rare—that’s why this election was so important!
• A leader is someone who is not afraid to go outside of the box. In fact, I would think she or he would practically live there!

January / February Poll Question

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