Born with HIV, newlywed Brandon Cox Sanford (aka Andy Feds) says, ‘I choose not to let HIV limit how I define me’
Life is funny. I met my wife, Jasmine, on the dating app Upward. This was during a time where I had to completely start my life over from the ground up. I had just lost my house, my job and even my dog, Wheezie.
I remember one day when I was on my knees, praying to God for a fresh start of happiness. I saw Jasmine on Upward and knew immediately that my prayers were answered.
I devised a plan to propose on the court at a Las Vegas Aces WNBA game
We talked for a bit on the app until I gave her my number. I always thought that when I go on dates, I want the girl to like me for me and not think of me as someone living with a virus. I didn’t need to start off by saying, “My name is Brandon ‘Andy Feds’ Cox Sanford, and I was born HIV-positive.” I’ve already had it happen before—rejected for being born with a virus I had no control of contracting.
It hurts!
We texted for a quick time and then the moment of truth had to happen. I called her and told her about my HIV status. Anyone who knows my advocacy work as Andy Feds knows that I’m very open about sharing my status to help eliminate stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. But with dating, I had to be careful not to scare someone like Jasmine away.
I told her my status and waited for the explosion of negative results like a grenade, and to my surprise, nothing. She was shocked, don’t get me wrong. However, she informed me that her time in the medical industry taught her a lot about HIV/AIDS and that she was fine with pursuing our budding relationship.
Shortly afterwards, Jasmine moved from Philadelphia to Las Vegas, where I live. I helped her move and we haven’t left each other’s side since! Our chemistry was building and as time went on, HIV was the last thing on our minds.
Well… not completely. Jasmine has volunteered to be a part of my advocacy work on social media, where I create funny videos to teach viewers about HIV/AIDS. At first, she was very camera shy. After a while, I noticed how quickly she got the hang of being in front of the camera. It’s now gotten to the point where, every time she’s on video with me, we get more engagement.
This also comes with the negatives. Of course, we’ve faced ignorance as people will try to attack us because we are a mixed-status (or serodifferent) couple. She’s been amazing in dealing with the negative people. Pun intended.
All of these things, I realized that I think I finally have the woman of my dreams. There was only one thing that I needed to do—ask her to marry me.
Seven months before, I devised a plan to propose on the court at a Las Vegas Aces WNBA game—one of our first dates as a family with her son and daughter.
I’m a teacher. My students helped me come up with a plan to get her to do a trivia game in front of thousands of people. We’ve even created posters to let the audience know that Jasmine and I were about to be engaged.
The week before the proposal, I even somehow met A’Ja Wilson, the Aces star player, at Walmart. She was just randomly shopping and no one noticed her but me. If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what is!
The day of the proposal went as smoothly as planned. She said yes.
We planned our wedding for this past December 12. That day has significance because Jasmine’s birthday is December 11 and my birthday is the 13th. So it only made sense to have our wedding on that day!
The wedding was beautiful and it made me think of words society put in my head as a kid. I was told that I should only date people living with HIV/AIDS because of my HIV status. No disrespect to anyone living with HIV/AIDS, but my goal wasn’t to find someone with HIV/AIDS. My goal was to find my dream girl. HIV wasn’t a factor.
If there’s anything I can say to anyone reading this, it’s: Do not define yourself based on your obstacles. Your worth is however you define yourself. I choose not to let HIV limit how I define me.